Truthfully, i have doubts about sharing my struggles. when the bad days become more intense and regular, when my ability to function is limited to the bare minimum, when my thoughts and emotions become more than i think i can cope with, when i have to step back and focus on the basics i wonder if it’s worth sharing. if i should even try to convey the reality of this illness. if i should be honest and try my best to shed light on this darkness. if anyone even cares to know that things are hard + i’m doing the best i can to just get through the day. if it’s worth telling my story.
But the only way to beat the doubt, the only way to fight back and continue onward is to share and hope i reach someone who can relate. the only way to counteract the silence is to learn to speak up.
So here it goes. Hi, I’m Brit. I live with persistent depressive disorder w/ ptsd tendencies and social anxiety. the last couple years i’ve been working really hard to come to terms + cope with the trauma i experienced as a child. i have a really hard time with relationships, especially when my mental health is hurting. due to my first experiences as a child when my mental illness first presented itself. to put into vague terms the environment around me didn’t respond very kindly. as a result of being told “to get over it” or “you’re fine” when everything in me told me i wasn’t fine and i felt paralyzed in my pain, i began to develop a very deep sense of shame and self-rejection. i taught myself to live in survival mode, to silence myself struggles, and to ignore my truth. if i’m being honest, i have a hard time even admitting to myself that i actually have an illness. but the fact of the matter is mental illnesses are REAL. and the impact and reality of learning to live with one is DIFFICULT. which is why we need to speak up about it. it’s hard enough being a human and learning to adult without a brain telling you that you are a burden and life would be better without you in it. so that’s all i’m really trying to do here. i’m just trying to my best to figure this all out and tell the truth about it.