February 14th, a day that fills most with happiness and love. Is now a day that fills my eyes with tears and my heart with loneliness.

Many years ago I knew I needed to get myself help, my depression finally took over my life and I could no longer take it.  I sought the help I needed. I showed my kids it is ok to be sad, to talk about it and seek help when needed. 

Fast forward to just a few short years ago I met the most amazing man to have ever entered my life.  I saw pain and hurt In his eyes, but waited for him to reach out. Telling him daily though that I’m here for him and how much I love him. He then reached out and got help he needed we all thought he was doing great, he always wore a smile, was silly and oh so caring.  Never in a million years did we think this would ever happen. 

February 14th, 2018  I was informed the man that always wore a smile, always there for everyone, just simply amazing. Took his life. I have never felt so numb, empty, hurt, angry every feeling you have ever felt in one I was feeling. Were there signs, of course there were.  Did anyone think anything of them, no. Not because we were ignoring them but because we might not have known what we were even looking for.   Since that day I promised myself I will always seek help and promote awareness to show the world it’s ok to be different, and ask for help.


When i think of mental I think of me, when I think of illness I think of someone sick.  It took me many years to understand the two of them can go together, and that is ok.
Yes I have a mental illness, no you may not always see it. I may hide it, but I am always grateful  for those who reach out to me just to make sure I’m ok. So Be kind with your words, not everything is how you may see it.  Sometimes things are deeper within.
Always know it is ok to reach out, that it is also ok to speak up when you need someone.

Sincerely a survivor and fellow fighter,
Nicole Miller